She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
