You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
