how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
