An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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