Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
