and you said cock pushups were impossible
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
