I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Farmville is her only friend.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
