GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Randomize
