I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
