This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
