Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
