no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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