At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
