Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No subtext here. People are naked.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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