So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
