smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
your room smells of hookers.
And success
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
