Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
