I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
