saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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