How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
