I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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