I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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