I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
