Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
