I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
