I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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