I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My feet surprised me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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