when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
