but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
