so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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