Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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