Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
