problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
