I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
