I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
