apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dick very happy bro
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
