I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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