So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
