No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
