Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
