If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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