he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Rumble strips road head = magical
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
