i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
