apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There r osticjed everywhere
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
