i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
