I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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