fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
