the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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