Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
