You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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